Numb
by Numbuh28and12
Summary: Nigel doesn't like the feelings inside of him; or the lack there of of feelings. He is numb. And it's all her fault.


_I'm tired of being what you want me to be__  
><em>_Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface__  
><em>_Don't know what you're expecting of me__  
><em>_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes_

Why did you make me leave Rachel? I thought I was your friend. But I had to go to this stupid space place. There's no life here. No Wally playing video games with Hoagie. There is no Abby in the corner listening to her iPod. Kuki is not having a tea party with her rainbow monkeys. I am not planning a mission. I am doing nothing but being all alone with a bunch of space freaks.

_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes__  
><em>_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)__  
><em>_Every step that I take is another mistake to you__  
><em>_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)_

Once I had to come back to brief you on what was happening. Just once I got to see your clear blue eyes and your silky hair that had made me infatuated with you. Yet the entire time you yelled and cursed at me. I was not good enough for you. I could not complete the mission like I was supposed to. I failed kid kind. I was a failure to you. And I was a failure to myself. That's the way you made me feel. Bloody hell I missed the days when you made me feel like I was king of the world. But now I only feel this cold numb. And you caused it.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there__  
><em>_Become so tired, so much more aware__  
><em>_I'm becoming this, all I want to do__  
><em>_Is be more like me and be less like you_

I used to feel bad for you. You were the leader of thousands of people. You had so much to do and yet you did it all flawlessly. You were an impeccable leader and I wanted to be just like you. And when you offered to help it made me so happy. Yet now I am myself no longer; I am a mini you. I thought I wanted that. But now I hated it and I wanted it gone.

_Can't you see that you're smothering me,__  
><em>_Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?__  
><em>_'Cause everything that you thought I would be__  
><em>_Has fallen apart right in front of you._

You were teaching me. Telling me how to be a better leader and how to do things. You lead me with a steel fist and a death grip. There was no escaping you and your wrath that often came. At first I did well. I was able to lead the GKND. But then it fell to pieces. It shattered. It was the biggest mess in the world. I wished I could fix it, I really wish I could have made it work. But I can't. I'm weak, and I'm not like you. So I'm sorry that I've failed you. I'm sorry I couldn't do any better.

_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)__  
><em>_Every step that I take is another mistake to you.__  
><em>_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)__  
><em>_And every second I waste is more than I can take._

I'm doing almost everything for you know. But what I will never reach your expectations. They are so high and I'm positive it is not even humanly possible for me to do what you've told me to do. So can I quit now? No. You will not let me. And as much as I try to hate you for that I can't. Because I love you no matter how hard I try not to.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,__  
><em>_Become so tired, so much more aware__  
><em>_I'm becoming this, all I want to do__  
><em>_Is be more like me and be less like you._

There are no feelings left inside of me. All I am is a cold empty body. Maybe a soul still lurks there but I can no longer feel it if there is one in there. The reason I have nothing left is because of you. You tore me down and ripped me apart. Like I said before I'm sorry I can't be perfect like you. I'm sorry I'm me and I'm sorry I failed you and everybody else. If I could fix it I would. But I can't because I can't even figure out how to fix myself.

_And I know__  
><em>_I may end up failing too.__  
><em>_But I know__  
><em>_You were just like me with someone disappointed in you._

Maybe you were so disappointed in me because you had once been in my position. Your father was a bad man. He shook you and he smacked you and he touched you and he did horrible things. You failed him even if you were perfect to everybody else including me. So I understand why you were disappointed in me. I did. I got it. But I just wish you didn't.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,__  
><em>_Become so tired, so much more aware.__  
><em>_I'm becoming this, all I want to do__  
><em>_Is be more like me and be less like you._

There's nothing else for me to say. I'm done. I've failed. Isn't that obvious enough? I suck; I'll never be good enough. I have nothing left. My friends have no idea who I am anymore. My father and mum our oblivious and no matter how hard I try I have no feelings at all. No tears can come out anymore. No happiness can radiate from me. No love will seep through my skin. Not even hatred is able to break through anymore. There is nothing left in me. I'm completely and utterly numb. And the scary thing is that I'm okay with it.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,__  
><em>_Become so tired, so much more aware.__  
><em>_I'm becoming this, all I want to do__  
><em>_Is be more like me and be less like you._

_**Numb is what I am not matter how hard I wish I wasn't. Please save me from myself- Nigel**_

They found that note. I'm glad. But where I am now has not fixed my pain. I am still as numb as I was before. Only now I am numb in heaven.

**An-Ohhhh twist ending. This is Numbuh 28 with another songfic! Two in one day! Yay! Anyway I do not own the Linkin Park song Numb and I do not own KND. Review and tell me what you think of numb little Nigel. **__


End file.
